Wednesday, 3 March 2010
To contextualise this vomit-inducing find I should tell you that I saw them in Office. On London's trendy Carnaby Street. In the year 2010. Not in fact at the local cattle fair-come-clothes-market in down-home Tennessee in the year 1856. Tory tells me that they are part of Office's range inspired by the legendary Dolly Parton. Now Dolly has gifted the world with many things, including a charming sense of humour and an improbable waist-to-breasts ratio (I know they're fake but seriously, the woman should not be able to remain upright) but I think we can all agree that good sartorial taste is not one of those gifts. In fact I'm sure Dolly would be the first to admit that she looks gaudy and cheap and corrrect me if I'm wrong but 'gaudy' and 'cheap' should not be in Office's remit.
They look pleathery, which is ironic as they are in fact made with real leather. They have a kitten heel - hurl. They have jaunty steel toe-caps which - unless you are a good time girl prostitute in a bad Western who also happens to work around heavy masonry - I think is a feature too far. They have a weird star/time-portal logo on them which bares more than a passing resemblance to the logo for Tyra Banks' Bankable Productions (it is not OK that I know that...). They have stitching and studs which would indicate that they have aspirations in the 'heeled cowboy boot' category. They are just so so wrong that nothing this side of Tennessee could make them right.