A place to commemorate the flies in the fashion ointment.

Tuesday, 9 February 2010

Cinderella has a lot to answer for...

I saw these when I was browsing in River Island the other day and they literally took my breath away. Now, I know as River Island is rather too fond of the diamante and the embellishment I should have prepared myself for such an atrocity but I didn't, I just wanted to spend my voucher...

How do I loathe thee, let me count the ways...

1) They are a high heeled slipper. Correct me if I'm wrong but slippers are supposed to be comfortable, that soothing haven of foot bliss you slip into after a long day of cruel and uncaring, though aesthetically pleasing footwear. Therefore high heeled slippers are completely pointless. To be fair I do speak as someone that owns a Slanket and therefore places comfort as an utmost priority, so I do find these especially offensive.

2) So, we've deduced that they don't exist for comfort. So I assume then that they are supposed to be sexy? Maybe its because I try to avoid men that think pink fluffy stiletto slippers are sexy but c'mon, surely not?! I feel like the kind of man that would be turned on by these also loves Jordan and thinks Michelle Heaton is a sex goddess.

3) They have a kitten heel. Putting aside the fact that they are slippers and just judging them as shoes, kitten heels are AWFUL. Either wear a high heel and go for it, revelling in the extra inches it gives you, the way they make your legs look SO much slimmer and the beautiful downward swoop of the heel and deal with the foot pain and the fact that if a mugger/rapist/chugger accosts you you're pretty much done. OR, if that all sounds like too much hard work there are plenty of lovely flats and kicky biker boots that provide a stylish alternative. Kitten heels don't know if they are coming or going. They are for women who like the idea but can't be arsed with the hard work. Just ask yourself, what would Mary Kate do?

4) They're Pepto Bismol pink, a colour that shouldn't be worn by people over the age of 18 months.

5) They have the obligatory Diamante Island embellishment, as if they weren't bad enough.

I could carry on but I think if I look at them again I may vomit.

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