Wednesday, 10 February 2010
Putting the heel in
Now I don't want to overdo the shoe puns... oh who am I kidding, I live for puns... but it took a lot of sole-searching to bring myself to even look at this mutant accessory for more than three seconds.
In fact, I fear more than a cursory glance will force the eyes to weep, stomach to reject lunch and brain to explode simultaneously.
Let's break this down. Were this not an item from the splicing laboratory of an insane professor Jordan, it would be a boot and a bag. Firstly the boot - a pink boot should never sport a black heel, especially one of the 'neither-nowt nor sommat' height of three inches. (You may have gathered already that Bee and myself are fans of the big gal shoes.)
The straps are arbitrary. Are they there to strap the shoe and bag together, as their shared hideousness renders them, like two same sides of a magnet, to repel? They certainly repel me.
Variations on those awful shoe/bag theme are available on eBay... but I recommend a stiff drink and some visual pleasure (a picture of R-Patz, perhaps) before you take a peek. Car crash couture indeed.